putting in some breadth

so at the moment i'm struggling to decide what subjects i want to do as a breadth subject; it's so difficult to decide. subject selections is hard. uni is already hard and it hasn't even begun yet. :(

i want to be an economist one day, i'm pretty sure about that. I want to help make policies that will allocate resources so we don't waste. policies that make sense; not just for the sake of it. i want to work in a firm and make it more efficient, more resourceful. through this i want to help the world. i want to be a political adviser. I want to be so many things but at the same time nothing .at the same time I want to be lazy but at the same time i don't want to be lazy. I want to be energetic and outgoing., I want to have a full calender full of social events.

I want sooooo many things, but what if some of them contradict each other? are they still attainable?

I have no idea. and I don't know if i deserve all these things i want.

I thought getting into my dream course would mark the end of one era and the start of another, all it's done is made me more confused.

come and gone

so new years has come and gone, i've drafted a million resolutions and broken pretty much every single one of them. it's really quite disappointing .. I won't even bother boring you with the details

my brother starts school in a few days and I have another month of holidays, it sounds like it would be so much fun but in actual fact i just really, insanely miss school. i miss the routine, the effortless friendships, the nagging of my teachers, knowing where everything is.

i really really miss school. I'll never have to wear that green uniform again, nor be forced to tie my hair up and pull my socks up. never never never. i should be happy , elated but i'm not.

What am I going to do myself for another month!? I always dreamed of freedom, but what freedom is there? I keep saying if I had this, if I do this then freedom will come. It's. not. coming.

Maybe, those teenage years spent in routine at school was freedom,

and this is captivity.